this is kind of fun...

had friends come down from kansas for a much anticipated visit last week..with ten kiddos and six adults we didn't plan anything, just hung out at the ocean and pool in cocoa beach - it truly felt like a vacation as afterwards i only had to recover from piled up laundry and that empty feeling you get when good friends go far away.
now we're tucking our heads down and walking into the winds of beginning another homeschooling year, an ear nose & throat specialist visit for Chad, orthotics for me, Awana for Lucy, van maintainance, et cetera. busi-ness. we're thankful and feel so blessed to have had a precious interlude.

it's the rainy season here, which means it's hot and sunny in the morning, and hot with a rumbling, flashing thunderstorm in the afternoon/evening most days. last night the rain started hammering in the early evening, and then cleared up just before dusk, giving us a fantastic double rainbow right over our house. i love to see rainbows..they are a quite tangible reality of a promise straight from God. we're going through some stresses we can't change right now, and having to constantly choose to either wallow in the weight of them or trust that underneath are the everlasting arms. needing all the encouragement we can get, it was a beautiful sight to behold.

7-7-07...many are considering this to be a special day, according to news reports. gamblers, brides & grooms, yoga masters, & christians have all planned events to surround this unusual date, hoping for a stroke of luck, an extra meaningful experience, a spark of some sort.
for us, this is genuinely a special day: our oldest turns twelve today. twelve! in some parts of the world, that is considered the day one leaves childhood behind and embraces full manhood. we aren't going there quite yet, but this is the first birthday one of my children has had that i didn't blow up a mass of balloons for, and that c put cash in their card. grown up indeed.

happy birthday kansas.

so i went to the local piddly library tonight to see what was what in the 'will this be a good resource for homeschooling' department. not suprisingly, i was disappointed. i think i've said before, i went from one grand library for the whole county, newly renovated and well stocked, to many, many little libraries spread out all over the county i now live in, none seeming to have what i want on any given day. still, there are nice suprises. since what i went for didn't exsist, i started browsing and ended up coming home with copies of...

-operating instructions by anne lamott, crass and out left, but quite possibly the funniest book i've ever read. also, she was my current age when she wrote it.

-confessions of an amateur believer by patty kirk..i don't know a thing about this one, found it in the new books

-two mitford novels, what can i say, i've found myself reading through these again.

-and 584 pages worth of beatrix potter : a life in nature, which i'll probably skim through and mostly look at all the pretty pictures of woodland creatures in people's clothing and old farms in the english countryside

-also, for the kids, a book containing the lyrics to all the school house rock songs, which they gleefully ran to their room with as soon as i got home to start up the cd and fully understand every word!

...not bad, for a subpar library system in general down here.

the fam, recently -

at the moment, lucy is playing pbskids on the (other) computer wearing headphones, as she was discouraged from bringing her casio keyboard to the party kansas and c are throwing on drums and bass, respectively. jesse is trying to beat his rubiks record, and i just got done fiddling with my five pound weights, browsing through an old friend's photos online, and emptying my camera as it has been sorely neglected this month...105 pictures downloading! peace and no tv in our house...ahhh. my only other ambitions today are to paint with lucy later when c takes the boys to the beach, and make eggs, potatoes, and sausage for supper. yum.

our only friends we really do things with since we moved here are seriously thinking about moving to california to help other friends of theirs with the small church they started. we sat through saturday night service with them last night, then went to jason's deli for a late supper and on to our house to make coffee (at 9:30!) and talk for a few hours. i can't remember when our kids have stayed up so late, but of course they didn't sleep in, as always.

no plans as of yet for the fourth, except to remember that on that day last year we pulled out of topeka, uhaul carrying all of our earthly belongings in tow. what a long, strange year it's been...

i've been itching to go swim laps at the local pool for some weeks now. today a friend called and said "do you want to meet us to swim?" and i said "of course!" not thinking..i love to swim, and so do my kids. it's summer, it's hot, of course! why not?

before i hung up the phone i managed to remember that one of my feet still sported a super unstylie surgical shoe..i can get my scars wet now, but i can't exactly let them all hang out in the sun and chlorine yet. i told my friend i could come, but i couldn't swim. "that's ok" she said.

my kids had a ball with her kids. we sat around by the pool, keeping an eye on them from diving board to super slide, talking shop. the lap lanes lay still at the far end, my foot lay still in its sock and velcro-ed cocoon.

recovery and waiting can be hard.

being a glass half empty (or even more so, say three quarters empty and what are we supposd to do when it all runs out???) kind of gal, i have to work at counting my blessings. here's a try...

*air conditioning (we're in florida in nearly july, you know)
*c's job
*being done with crutches for a good long while, Lord willing
*libraries
*those moments to rest in
*singing in church communally, feeling like i'm in a giant choir
*though few and far between, good friends who love us
*that jan karon gave up a lucrative career in advertising in order to write novels
*hershey's pure dark chocolate with cranberries, blueberries & almonds (this list is in no particular order)
*not seeing a hurricane for myself, yet
*high speed internet..i still vaguely remember dial up
*comfy pajamas
*hope, as in, let's hope i can become a more thankful person with practice. after all, with God ALL things are possible, yes?

too bright
too soon
after the rain
too hot
most days
blurring the grain
i'm awkward here
it doesn't fit me
no hills no shade no
black maple trees
it's sandy it's scrubby
it hurts my eyes
my aesthetic sense
these blazing skies
the rhythm is off
the seasons are wrong
my sweaters lie limp
they do not belong
in this suess like complaint
i'm just blowing off steam
i know it's right for this time in my life

...but a girl can still dream.

Over The Rhine Hallelujah

quite a worthwhile five minutes...

well i have not posted in quite awhile, here are some of my lame (and not so lame) excuses...
-dealing with that radical life change (relocation)
-getting a myspace page like all the other lovely swimmers and other friends
-going through two surgeries, 6 weeks apart, with long recoveries
-always thinking i ought to be writing, but rarely putting "pen to paper" to do so
-general apathy and feeling rather depressed half the time

okay, so these are all good reasons TO write something, anything..journal, whatever. ah, well.

life is still strange in this still new in a lot of ways place. having no support structure of sympathetic souls going into these surgeries/long recoveries sure has intensified the lonliness here. going to the grocery store with C and the kids tonight put things into perspective somewhat..I needed a change of scenery so badly - these four walls have a dulling effect.
in other news, we may have bought a house that hasn't been built yet. we signed a lot of papers and put down some $, but our realtor/lender/seller are still in talks over this thing..? so we'll see. i don't have my heart set on owning in this land of skinny brown palm trees, flat sandy terrain, alligators and lizards. i do, however, trust God to let us know what to do and when, open and close doors, and generally lead us around, not letting us dig ourselves too deep a hole before rescuing us.

our kids are now on summer break, and while their school experience was a mostly positive one, we have decided to return to homeschooling next year. so i am researching madly and already feeling overwhelmed at the thought of it, but something in me feels the decision is for the best, hell or highwater, for these three (and possibly me?) for the upcoming year.

otherwise, we sponsored a little boy through compassion int'l last month, became firm believers in the truth of how aspartame is absolutely harmful to your health (do a little research), enjoyed the sprawling beach and churning ocean from time to time, fought less as a married couple since the big move, watched our oldest kiddo graduate from sixth grade, eaten some really good seafood, and watched several space shuttle launches (the last one from right out our front door!).

nice to be back to my blog, where i can freely post pics of yours truly at the beach on a cloudy day, no makeup and bad hair...ahh.

i voted. and strange to think that in two years from today we'll be electing a new president.

on a totally seperate note, a few pics from lately...the barker kids squinting in the sun, throwing a football around on the beach, and i just got glasses for the first time ever..strange. i keep thinking i need to take them off when i go inside, as the only glasses i'm used to wearing are sunglasses. also, when i'm walking, it feels like i'm doing one of those mime acts where you pretend to go down a flight of stairs. the upside is i can see what i'm reading a lot better. i'll take it.

chad and i went on an actual date on saturday night after spending the afternoon at the annual Medishare company picnic, thanks to our wonderful new friend who insisted on babysitting (our kids are actually getting old enough to be offended by the term). we went to heidi's jazz club in cocoa beach..chad had gone around getting recommendations at work, made reservations and everything - what a guy. it was nice..great atmosphere, good food, fantastic live trio of piano, drums, and stand up bass, with a guest sax player who kept us highly entertained with his striking resemblance to al frankin. we walked to the beach after and stood on it for a minute, but it was actually getting chilly (!), so we headed home. talked for awhile with our sitter and her friend who came over to keep her company..they were such an encouragement, young women who have a passion and desire for God to work out His will in their lives. and good senses of humor to boot. we felt blessed. went to church via the internet in our living room the next morning..not what we want to do every week, but a nice option for once in a while. went to the beach again that evening - the kids played, chad tried to surf (waves weren't good), and i was in the mood to hunt for seashells. we run so much during the week now, we're really loving our weekends these days.

a wise and thoughtful use of your money...

waiting and watching for Atlantis while the kids goof off
up up and away!

life in a nutshell...i started working very, very part time at medishare, our kids got to go tubing on the indian river over labor day, lucy's sixth birthday has come and gone and jesse's ninth is just around the corner, still working my way through reading crunchy cons..very good, but somewhat dense reading, found out today i'm missing a jane austin fest with my good friends in Topeka - *boo hoo*, going into week three of two small groups here - chip ingram's effective parenting in a defective world and gary chapman's the other side of love (about anger) - both very practical and insightful, but having homework in both classes can be a lot, getting used to doing laundry in the kitchen instead of the basement (they don't have basements here), seeming to not be getting enough sleep lately, really feeling a need to learn how to type better.

also, the semiannual ccm summit is next week in cocoa beach. last year i tagged along with chad, had a mini vacation while our dear friends kept our kids in kansas. this monday we'll go to the dinner on the first night with the help of friends here who have offered to watch our kids for the evening and try to get back home not too late because they have school the next day. our frame of reference has been jolted, and while in many ways i am amazed and thankful that it's gone so well, i still sometimes just stand back and shake my head at this funky journey we're on.

(drum roll please....) we're closing on our house in kansas on monday!! praise be to God, who takes good care of us.

two mornings ago i woke up to an alarm (actually, the first djembe beats of Enter the Worship Circle) for the first time in a long time, flipped on the lamp next to my bed, opened my Bible and bleary eyed read these words - "Aliens will shepherd your flocks". not an encouragement right off as this was the first day my kids were going to don school logo embroidered polo shirts, grab backpacks and lunchboxes, and head into their first year at Royal Palm Charter School and Oakwood Academy, respectively. A year ago I posted this, and it amazes me how much can happen and change in a year. in any case, i went back later in the day and read through Isaiah 61 in its entirety, and found that though aliens shepherding your flocks sounds as the outset like something you want to avoid at all costs, the whole chapter is describing the Year of the Lord's Favor - good things, positive developments. so i was relieved and encouraged after all.
when i picked up the kids after a day of doing very little and enjoying the silence (more fun than you can imagine unless you've been a stay at home, sometimes homeschooling mom for 11 or so years), they could not wait to tell me all about their days, their teachers, the kids in their classes..they loved it. lucy's wonderful Christian teacher told us that in her 32 years of teaching, this would be her first lucy :). i smiled ear to ear all the way home thinking of how wonderful it was that they were in the hands of capable instructors who actually enjoyed doing things like making charts and sticking to them, and organizing and implementing lesson plans, et cetera. now if we ever find a need to go back to homeschooling, i will do it if it's the best thing for my kids, but i gotta say - it was quite a struggle for me when i was doing it, and i'm just so glad that for this year at least, God has given us a more workable option. With Chad going to work and the kids going to school, we enjoy each other's company more when we do have time to spend together, as i suspected would happen.

here's to a fantastic first, third, and sixth grade year for the barker kiddos.

From troubledwith.org, a website of focus on the family...

"The world’s going on without me. Another common reaction to a major move is feeling like no one really misses you … and maybe they’ll forget you. This panic generally begins following thoughts of how your “old” life — the people you love, your church, your friends and your family — are carrying on moment-by-moment without you. Yes, life goes on, but they haven’t forgotten you.

I’ve only got roots as deep as ivy. With many moves, you are forced to “start over.” Suddenly the grocery store is a labyrinth of scattered items and your quick trip for bread and milk takes three times as long. You get lost … and not just once or twice. After meeting new people for months, you are annoyed with introducing yourself and you crave deep, meaningful conversation with someone who understands you. For many, it feels as if the real you missed being loaded on the U-haul and now you’re forced to reinvent yourself for a whole new audience. This fear has some grounding in reality, for with change, you change. But the real you is still there, and as people get to know you better, you’ll find yourself emerging again."

i read through the list of reactions on this site, and identified most with these two. i knew going into this major life change that I would feel something strongly, experience some difficulties over it, but it was hard to know exactly what it would look like. these paragraphs defined for me what i'm going through right now..i found them helpful, and as long as i can know what's up without focusing on the negative, it will be a good thing. it also helps to know that these are common thoughts and feelings to have after such a jarring change, and that over time they will fade as other things take their place.

on the brighter side, we met our only new friends at sonic with all the kids for dinner tonight, then came back to our house for coffee, board games, good conversation, and a little hurricane preparedness info. they stayed late, the kids played well together (they have two boys a little younger than kansas and jesse, respectively); the only downer was that there was no girl for lucy..she sure misses her little friends. but a good time overall, we were encouraged. here's hoping our three will sleep in just a bit tomorrow...