this evening we were watching some dumb show about child stars and chad kept saying things like "what is that smell?". at some point i made some toaster waffles (standard barker recreational eating fare) and he said distractedly when he saw them "when did you make those? is that what i'm smelling?"...i am on the mend from nasty crud and can't smell a thing - i was no help. finally he went downstairs to the boys' room and immediately yelled for me to come down - i flew down the stairs just in time to see him yanking kansas' blanket off of his desk lamp and kansas himself out of bed. his blanket had two large spots on it about to burn through...

*************************************************

we've been really trying lately; really listening in church, aiming to lead our kiddos in the way they should go, really working to be a family that God can smile down on. we know he loves us no matter what, but..you know what i mean.
also lately...kansas has been doing his jekyll and hyde thing - loud disrespect and eye rolling one minute, cute and loving notes ("you're the BEST MOM EVER") the next...jesse is starting his thing we thought we got over years ago again of acting afraid to be in a room alone with his brother,...lucy has seemed to have forgotten it's her job to obey at all...and now this. i feel like we're being attacked. you could pray..that we'll get through this time, that we'll learn whatever lessons he has for us in the school of faith. and that he will keep us safe.

i just went down and looked at the boys sleeping again before i go to bed..shuddered, shed a tear, thanked our Father. i do know that our days are in his hands, but it sure can look on this end like some calls are just too close.