"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." Psalm 84:5


jesse is five today...amazing how fast he's grown. amazing that it's been five years - half a decade - since i looked into his newborn face with awe and wonder...he's a full fledged preschooler now. and tomorrow - well, i'm just going to enjoy today, the flying future scares me a little.


what a couple of weeks...i feel like we've been running with very few pit stops to call home and check the messages. two waterdeep shows in one week, working at world cup, friends over - sometimes overnight, getting a jump on christmas shopping (i was in the checkout at toys r us and marveled at the stark difference between this midweek evening with the store being virtually empty, and what this same stretch of retail would look like a mere one month from now), church, home group, kids being sick, and the death of one of chad's grandpas on sunday morning. i leave that for last because that's really the only thing on the list i'd want to tell you about right now...

chad enjoyed and respected his grandpa as much as he could, in his own way - i'll say that first. but this being the rough and rowdy part of that side of the family, it's been hard to know how to handle the sympathy that's been poured out on us. his grandpa didn't want a service, didn't want any ceremony other than to have his ashes scattered over the farm up north. the last few times we'd seen him he was in a hospital bed in chad's uncle's girlfriend's house, deteriorating since the major stroke he suffered a couple of years ago. he loved to see our kids, especially lucy ("she's an ANGEL, just an angel..."), but was still managing to let us know who he was remembering to dislike from years long past and why.

we got a call early sunday morning that if chad wanted to see him one last time, he better get moving - ther doctors were speaking in terms of hours left to live, and by the time chad was ready to walk aout the door, he had passed away. chad went on up anyway, taking kansas with him, and i went on to church with the little ones.

family is hard, and wonderful; secure and scary sometimes. relationships between sinners are always tricky in spots, and Jesus' example can be hard to live up to. the one thing we can say for sure despite falling out's and friendships forged is that our family is OURS, and the one we marry into becomes our very own as well. so we go through the processes of life together in one way or another with (or at least thinking of) each other, living, learning, coping, remembering, heaving heavy sighs.