this day is for tears...many tears for many people. from the deep darkness of my own heart to places far beyond, the recurring theme today has been sad news after bad news...hurtful situations, searching souls, lost little children sitting in the dirt of the world and it's painful circumstances; some trying bravely to maintain an outward sense of confidence and the illusion of everything being just fine; some openly weeping and wailing, others sitting so still and quiet you wouldn't even notice them but for the splash of tear after tear hitting the blank page before them...
i linger at the drastic and hardest hit, but there are more out on the fringes, those ones may just be a little sad and lonely, or just confused about something...they are worth mentioning too, because they are - though not as acutely - suffering; and need God's grace all the same to pull though this veiled life on earth. i feel a bit lost myself, and confused about some things that are forefront in my daily life right now. i feel distant from my God, who I am told longs to comfort me and fill me with His perfect peace that PASSES UNDERSTANDING - but i am wandering in the maze of thinking i have to understand and make sense of it all...oh, when will i learn? when will i just rest, let go, believe that all He has to offer is also for me? I feel very exposed of soul writing all of this down, but the general sense of damp cellar cloudiness that is in the air today - over phone lines and through email inboxes, at work and under my own pillow - was just to much to keep in.